Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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