Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
