like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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