I didn't shave. On purpose
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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