dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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