he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
