Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
