if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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