David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
