Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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