He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
