Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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