I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hippo gnu deer
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
