he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
