I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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