just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
