idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
there's paper in my vomit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
