Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
