Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
