soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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