If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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