girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
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