That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
