I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
