i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
