Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
