..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
