I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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