I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
