I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
