ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
