I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
