Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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