ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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