i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
