you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize