this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You're a waste of cheezeits
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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