thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
