I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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