Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
