any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My feet surprised me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
