She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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