Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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