Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The ass gains better be worth it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
