What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
