So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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