i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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