is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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