Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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