Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
