It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
