My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
