What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
