Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
