When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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