I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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