I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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