well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
