our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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