I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
