I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
