I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
