dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
