I just saw a hot homeless man
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
