Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just invented taco cereal.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You ruined the universe
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
