Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
