i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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