I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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