I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
