How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
