I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
